Last year’s event was fabulously successful don’t miss this one.

When: Sunday, March 14th

1:00 to 3:00pm, open to trade only
3:00 to 6:00pm, open to the public and the trade

Where: Del Mar Fairgrounds, Exhibit Hall
2260 Jimmy Durante Blvd., Del Mar

How much: Tickets for the public: $45 in advance, $55 at the door

Experience special wines from California’s family-owned and operates wineries. There will be over 200  wines to sample!  Popular and obscure but delightful varietals from wineries from the northern California to southern California.

There will be a huge number of wineries present so plan your visit carefully you can’t try them all and remain standing – even if you spit!  Here’s a list of participating wineries and FCW Varietal Map to plan with.

Call 866-465-3995 for more information or click HERE for print at home tickets.

The 2010 competition completed Thursday, February 25, 2010. This year marks the 20th consecutive Grand Harvest Awards, with a field of over 1,400 entries from North America, Europe, South America, and the Pacific Rim.

Judges awarded a total of 141 Gold (1 in ten),  426 Silver (less than 1 in three) , and 461 Bronze  (less than 1 in three)  medals in this very competitive event where judges must agree on merit of awarding a medal.

Twenty-four judges evaluated over 1,400 entries.  Garnering medals at the Grand Harvest Awards has traditionally been difficult to achieve because of its high standards of excellence. Wine competitions are invaluable purchasing tools that help consumers choose from over 6,000 wineries in the US alone.

More about the Grand Harvest Competition is included in the below press release:

Grand Harvest Awards

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Contact: Jennifer Merletti

800.535.5670 x105, jmerletti@vwm-online.com

Joe Gargiulo (707.795.9400, joe@jagpublicrelations.com )

2010 Grand Harvest Awards:

Wine Competition Furthers Its Search for Terroir

Santa Rosa, California (March 2, 2010) — Judging for the 2010 Grand Harvest Awards, an international wine competition produced by Vineyard & Winery Management magazine, completed its mission of recognizing outstanding wines from all over the world and simultaneously studying the effects of terroir on wine quality.

Celebrating its 20th year, the Grand Harvest Awards was held February 24-26 at Sonoma Mountain Village, Rohnert Park, California. Complete results are posted at www.vwm-online.com/gha while a related article will be published in the May-June issue of the magazine.

Twenty-four judges evaluated over 1,400 entries and awarded a total of 1,027 medals including 141 gold, 426 silver and 461 bronze. Garnering medals at the Grand Harvest Awards has traditionally been difficult to achieve because of its high standards of excellence. Wine competitions are invaluable purchasing tools that help consumers choose from over 6,000 wineries in the US alone.

Most entries in the Grand Harvest Awards were grown and produced in the United States and Canada with some originating in Australia and New Zealand, Europe (France, Germany, Italy, and Spain) and South Africa.

“The Grand Harvest Awards are a great forum for producers to have their wines evaluated by experienced judges in the context of their respective growing regions,” said competition chairman Bill Traverso. “Wines from up-and-coming regions such as Nebraska and Florida garnered gold medals.”

This year’s Grand Harvest Awards presents a new promotional opportunity for wine producers: medal winners will be featured during March via a link on Food & Wine magazine’s one-million-unique-visitors-per-month website (foodandwine.com).

The Judges

Selected for their familiarity with wines from specific growing regions, the judges represent some of the most qualified experts in the industry: food and beverage media, winemakers, wine marketers, enology and viticulture professors and researchers, restaurateurs and sommeliers, hospitality and tourism consultants, and fine wine retailers. Judges included George M. Tabor, author of Judgment of Paris: California vs. France and the Historic 1976 Paris Tasting that Revolutionized Wine; Tim McNally, radio host of “The Wine Show”, WIST 690 AM, New Orleans; Eric Degerman, managing editor of Wine Press Northwest; William S. Bloxsom-Carter, executive chef/food and beverage director of Playboy Mansion West; and Jim Trezise, president of the New York Wine and Grape Foundation.

The Search for Terroir

The Grand Harvest Awards is the only North American wine competition that presents entries to judges according to regional classification. Wines of particular appellations are arranged in flights (mostly groups of 10) and evaluated by judges who are unaware of the geographic origin or producer, knowing only varietal name when relevant. In contrast, other competitions group wines by varietal name and suggested retail price.

Beyond the determination of medals, the Grand Harvest Awards also recognizes entries that best exemplify the terroir of their respective viticultural areas, and acknowledges the influence of terroir on wine quality. After evaluating each flight, judges frequently discuss their impressions in order to identify the signature elements of terroir and their link to regional typicity (wine characteristics that are common to particular growing regions).

While it is has no scientific definition, terroir is considered to be the combined expression of soil, climate, elevation and topography in the aroma, flavor and tactile sensations of wine beyond clone and rootstock selection, cultural practices, and winemaking techniques.

About the Producer

The Grand Harvest Awards is a division of Vineyard & Winery Services, the publisher of the leading independent wine trade publication Vineyard & Winery Management magazine www.vwm-online.com , Winedex (Wine Industry Index). Based in Santa Rosa, California, the multimedia corporation also produces seminars, conferences and trade shows (Wineries Unlimited, Tasting Room Profitability, Wine Club Summit, and Managing the Winery Laboratory) as well as two other wine competitions (International Eastern Wine Competition, and West Coast Wine Competition).

Back in December of 2009 we were so disappointed to hear that Dorothy Gaiter and John Brecher were no longer working for the Wall Street Journal and that their long running Tastings Column was no more.

Below is a summary of their recommendations for a quality winery experience – typically at a small winery is where you can have an unsurpassed, personal experience – and in the words of our favorite Boston Globe Travel writer – Tom Haines: (please read his eloquent article)  “You may never return so buy one wine.”

Further below we share some insights into Wine Tourism, this from a University of Iowa study. Opponents of wineries and tasting rooms are blind to the fact that small winery operations and the insignificant traffic they generate are beneficial to local economies and that wineries are among the most generous and desirable of charitable venues – after all how bad of a mood can community benefactors be in when you are around winery hosts and other wine lovers!?!?

At Wineries Small is Beautiful:

WSJ: DOROTHY J. GAITER AND JOHN BRECHER

Visiting wineries anywhere in the world is a joy and excites many people into a lifetime love affair with wine.

• Visit the small winery you’ve never heard of. You will not be disappointed.
• When people ask us about visiting wineries… they’re simply looking for someone to meet with intimate knowledge of the wines, some interesting wines to taste, and a welcoming environment in which to taste them. This is all most likely to happen at that little winery with the unfamiliar name.
• There are thousands of wineries all over the world that you’ve never heard of. They’re small, family-run and charming. Those are the ones we target.
• Our goal was simply to identify those that were open to the public and drop in. Many wineries are open by appointment only… We prefer to be spontaneous, so we rarely visit those…
• Our own favorite visits, however, are the ones where we’re surrounded by the vineyards and the tanks.
• That’s our kind of winery: small, quirky, friendly and passionate about wine.
• To feel the passion of wine and winemaking, it’s important to seek out the smaller places where you can really spend some quality time with the people behind the bar.

Fifteen (15) Steps to a Successful Winery Visit

Boutique Wineries Offer a Premium wine Experience

Sharing a CLASSIC, time-proven list of sage suggestions from two of our favorite wine writers. This list is  sure to make all your future wine tastings visits a huge success!

We recommend you review before, or take this list with you on each wine outing until you have it committed to your wine appreciation routine.

Fifteen Steps to a Successful Winery Visit ‐‐‐ Go Early, Ask Questions, Don’t Get Carried Away;  The Empty Box Rule

WSJ: 15 Steps to a Successful Winery Visit

June 29, 2007

By DOROTHY J. GAITER AND JOHN BRECHER

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB118306817695252069.html?mod=Tastings

There has never been a better time than now ‐‐ right now, this week ‐‐ to go visit a winery near you. All over the U.S., more wineries than ever are open and eager for you to drop by. Many of them plan special events during the summer and entire regions now are heavily promoting their wine trails. (If you missed Weekend Journal’s recent cover story about the spread of American wineries and wine tourism, drop us a note at wine@wsj.com and we’ll send it along.)

Winemakers and winery owners are among the world’s most charming and interesting people, and they often give away samples of their art for free. Why wouldn’t you go? If you do, here are some tips on how to visit wineries, with some suggestions for winery etiquette. We’ve focused here on visiting wineries in newer wine regions, where tourism might not be as well advanced as places like Napa and Sonoma.

‐‐ Get an empty box for wine. Grab one at your local wine store, or think about buying a Styrofoam wine carrier from the shipping store. Trust us on this. You are going to start buying bottles of wine that will rattle around in your car unless you’ve brought a box. You’ll thank us for this advice when your box is full (and this might have an added benefit; see below).

‐‐ Hire a car or have a designated driver. Chances are you will taste more wine than you expected to ‐‐ those little tastes add up. Not only that, but if you’re not used to drinking wine early in the day, it could catch up with you fast. In many of the newer wine regions, the wineries might be spread out, so you have some driving ahead of you. Various tour companies are popping up in wine regions all over the country that are happy to chart your visits to wineries and take you to them.

‐‐ Take the kids, but, if you do, find something for them to do. Wine regions are very pretty around now, so green and lush, and winery people are nice, so it’s a shame for children to miss the experience. But tasting rooms can be boring for children, so ask right away if there are cookies or crackers, animals to play with or anything else for kids to do. Some, though not nearly enough, have basketball nets, bocce courts, coloring books or Play‐Doh. Take along a Rubik’s Cube, which did the trick for our kids for a while.

‐‐ Go early, especially on weekends. The thing that’s the most fun about a winery visit is chatting with the people behind the bar, who are often the owners or winemakers, especially at smaller wineries. They won’t have time to talk with you if it’s busy.

‐‐ Focus on the smaller places. There is something comforting and unintimidating about the larger places with big parking lots, T‐shirts for sale and lots of hired help. But to feel the passion of wine and winemaking, it’s important to seek out the smaller places where you can really spend some quality time with the people behind the bar.

‐‐ Be polite. Yes, this seems obvious, but we’ve visited hundreds of tasting rooms over more than 30 years and we’re always amazed how rude people can be. In a smaller winery, you are likely to be in part of someone’s home and possibly talking to the owner. And you’re probably getting wine free, or for a small charge. Be nice, and show them the respect they deserve.

‐ Try new, unfamiliar things. In many parts of the country, the grapes that grow best are native American grapes or hybrids. Perhaps the winery makes a Chardonnay, but it’s not as good as its Vignoles. If you stick to grapes you know, you could miss out on the regional specialties.

‐‐ Have an answer to the question, “What kind of wine do you like?” Tasting‐room personnel tend to ask this reflexively as an ice‐breaker, but many people who aren’t totally comfortable with wine find it hard to answer on the spot. In any event, we’d be hesitant to answer it directly because we don’t want to try only the kinds of wines we already know we like. Even if you think you only like dry wines, you should try some that are sweet, and vice versa. Think about saying something like, “I enjoy all kinds of wines. Which would you start with?”

‐‐ Ask where the grapes were grown. Many wineries these days all over the country make wine from grapes grown in California or someplace else far away. There’s certainly nothing wrong with that, but when we visit a winery in, say, Connecticut, part of the fun of the visit is tasting wines made from grapes grown in Connecticut, near where we’re standing. If you don’t want to ask, just peek at the label. If it says “estate bottled,” that’s a sign that the grapes were probably grown right around the corner.

‐‐ Ask questions. Don’t be shy. If you ask simple questions like “Does this look like it will be a good year?” or “What food goes best with this wine?” the person behind the counter will appreciate your interest. Don’t try to show off with questions like, “Did this get any ML?” unless you really, really care about malolactic fermentation. There are no stupid questions ‐‐ and, in any event, you can’t do worse than the visitor who once asked a tasting‐room pourer whom we’ve known for years, “How long does the wine stay in caskets?”

‐‐ Remember that it’s a tasting room, not a bar. If you want to drink a big glass of wine, buy a bottle and have a picnic. And even if you are not driving, be very careful about how much you’re drinking. People who have had too much to drink ruin the tasting experience for everybody.

‐‐ Be careful how much you buy. It’s a nice gesture to buy a bottle or two, but you shouldn’t feel pressured to. Still, we tend to get carried away at wineries and buy more bottles than we intended. You’ll be amazed how quickly those bottles add up. Many wineries now can ship across state lines, so you can probably call and get those wines after you get home if you have non‐buyer’s remorse later.

‐‐ Keep wines out of the hot car. A car that’s sitting in the sun will cook your wines in no time flat. Find a way
to avoid that.

‐‐ Ask wineries how to ship your wine back. If you have bought a case or so at various wineries, you might find it easier to ship it back, so ask if there is a local shipping place that specializes in this. This might not be possible, depending on various state laws, so this is where your Styrofoam carrier comes in: Just pack it and check it on the plane with you. There are obviously some risks involved, but we have done this for decades without incident. (Check with your airline to make sure it has no rules against this.)

‐‐ Finally, keep this in mind: The wines you bought at the winery will not taste as good at home as they did at the winery. We’re sorry to end this list with a downer, but it’s true. When you’re there, surrounded by the wondrous sights and smells of a winery, with the winemaker across the bar, pouring wine in pristine condition that has never traveled, the wine tastes special. You simply can’t replicate those conditions at home. But this is exactly why you should go taste wine at a winery this week.

WSJ: 15 Steps to a Successful Winery Visit

June 29, 2007

By DOROTHY J. GAITER AND JOHN BRECHER

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB118306817695252069.html?mod=Tastings

Video Click Here!

[Sorry the original Conan embed links on youtube.com are no longer available, below links (about the last on the web) to go to eatmedaily.com blog post - don't let the name alarm you - here's their About statement: "Eat Me Daily is a website / blog about food with a critical (and sometimes cynical) take on the culture at large, including media, books, cookbooks, art, design, celebrity, fashion, robots, and cookery."]

Here’s an other — Conan Visits Napa Part One Video Click here!

…and Conan Visits Napa Part Two Video Click here!

Photo of red, white and rosé wine grapes

Gotcha!

Those of you who have experienced (endured ? wink!) one of my winemaking talks already know the above photo is a joke (humor!), and also know the information I share below – I’m saving some composition time and sharing some excerpts below from a well-written piece from below from Ryan Snyder of Winegeeks.com

White wines are wines that contain little or no red pigmentation. These wines are almost always made from white grapes, but can be made from black grapes as well. Winemake rs can make white wine from black grapes because the juice in most black grapes is actually clear. White wines can be sweet or dry, or somewhere in between. Popular white wines include Chardonnay, Pinot Grigio / Pinot Gris, Riesling and Sauvignon Blanc.

Red wines are made from black grapes and have a red or blue tint. Most grapes have colorless juice, so to make red wine the grape skins, which contain nearly all of the grapes’ pigmentation, have to remain intact with the juice during all or part of the fermentation process. Besides the difference in color, the primary difference between red and white wines comes are tannins. They are found in the grape skins, and are transferred into the wine while the skins are in contact with the juice. Found mainly in red wines, they provide a dry, puckery sensation in the mouth and in the back of the throat. They also help preserve wine, allowing most (but not all) red wines to be aged longer than white wines. Popular red wines include Beaujolais, Cabernet Sauvignon, Chianti, Merlot, Pinot Noir and Zinfandel.

Rosé wines are pink in color, and can be referred to as rosé, pink or blush wines. Rosés are made from black grapes, but don’t fully turn red because the grape skins are removed from the juice mere hours after contact. This brief contact with the grape skins gives the wine a pink color from the slight transference of red pigments from the skins. Rosés can also made by blending together white and red wines. This brief skin contact also ensures that a minimal amount of tannins enters the wine. Many rosés are sweet, with White Merlot and White Zinfandel serving as great examples. However, the best and most traditional European rosés are bone dry.

OK it’s your turn to play a joke on me or comment…

By-the-way here’s a photo showing several examples of a range of colors a rosé wine may exhibit

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In mid 2009, Franzia recently sold the 400,000,000th bottle of Charles Shaw (Two-Buck Chuck), owns 40,000 acres of vineyards, and his Napa plant can bottle 55,000 cases of wine a day.

Franzia just announced he’s kicking off a new Australian label what else than “Down Under” with a Chardonnay priced at half of [yellow tail's] price. Franzia is his own man and takes great delight in rattling the cage of the wine establishment from highfalutin’ AVA vineyards to premium label wineries, to industry icons like Robert Parker and Wine Speculator and anything in between. He takes great delight in making a buck and especially if he can make it Lampooning a stuffed shirt or make a profit at someone else’s expense.

I’ve shared four articles below the last from Inc. magazine is a very illuminating article on Fred Franzia, the origins of his business (Bronco Winery), and his approach to the wine business. Love him or hate him – he’s a force to be contended with! Bronco BTW is a contraction of the words “brother” and “cousin”, linked by “n”, for “and” – it’s a family business. The New Yorker Magazine’s May 18, 2009 issue has an in depth profile of Franzia if you have a subscription

Some Franzia Quotes:

Who gives you the best advice about your business?

My mirror.

On his release of a $4 wine from Napa Valley :

“We challenge anyone to have a blind tasting and see where our wines come out. We think we can run with the top dogs at$100-plus. There’s no wine worth more than 10 bucks a bottle.”

Referring to retailers who charge too much for wine:

“greedy bastards”

This is a satellite photo of the Ceres, CA facility (near Modesto). Total production capacity of all the Bronco facilities is 65 million gallons annually.

This is a photo of the main gate of the Bronco Ceres, CA plant

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Two Buck Chuck takes on Australia

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/wine/detail?&entry_id=39815

Fred Franzia, creator of Charles Shaw, is targeting Australian brands.

Are you ready for Two Buck Chuck with an Aussie twang?

My Thirst column this Sunday considers the woes of Australia’s wine industry — and what might solve them. Now, just as the critter onslaught seems to have tapped out, a new contender is coming into the game: Fred Franzia.

Prepare for a price war. The big difference between Yellow Tail and Two Buck Chuck is about $3 ($4 if you’re in California). But Franzia, whose Bronco Wine Co. created the Charles Shaw label for Trader Joe’s, said today in an interview that he will unveil an Australian Chardonnay in June for half the price of Yellow Tail, around $3. It will be called — what else? — Down Under.

“They’re overpriced and we’re going to pound them for a while now,” Franzia told The Chronicle. “We’re taking our fight international.”

In addition to his long crusade against high wine prices, Franzia has also been a master of the bulk wine market, which has allowed Charles Shaw to keep growing regardless of fluctuations in California’s wine supply. But he’s also trimming costs on the Australian project by using lightweight bottles that he’s introducing on most brands. They will be up to 4 ounces lighter than a standard bottle, or 3 pounds per case.

Franzia caused a stir in 2007 when he announced plans to build a massive glass-container plant near the Napa airport that would reduce both glass costs and environmental impacts of shipping glass.

Those designs ran into opposition, but Franzia said today that the advantage of announcing he would produce his own glass bottles is that “everybody gets serious about providing things you want.”

Next week I’ll be writing about Franzia’s views on wine prices in light of the weak market. But this week the focus is on Australia, which ironically is trying to distance itself from its legacy of cheap wines. Will Franzia pick up the slack?

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Dana Goodyear, The World of Business, “Drink Up,” The New Yorker, May 18, 2009, p. 58

THE WORLD OF BUSINESS about vintner Fred Franzia and Two Buck Chuck.

Fred Franzia owns forty thousand acres of vineyards, more than anyone in the country; crushes three hundred and fifty thousand tons of grapes a year; and his company, Bronco, has annual revenue of more than five hundred million dollars. Recently, Franzia celebrated the sale of the four-hundred-millionth bottle of Charles Shaw, known as Two Buck Chuck, which is sold for $1.99 at Trader Joe’s. Franzia’s objective is to sell as much wine as possible—he sells twenty million cases a year now, making Bronco the fourth-largest winery in the U.S., and would like to reach a hundred million.

He believes that no bottle of wine should cost more than ten dollars. Franzia is sixty-five and twice divorced. He is both a major seller and a major buyer on the bulk market. He owns several wineries, including one in Sonoma, and he acts as a custom winemaker for wineries without his capacity. In 2000, he opened a ninety-two-thousand-square-foot bottling plant near the Napa airport. Talking about his wine, Franzia can sound like an old-fashioned Democratic populist, though personally he’s more of a Darwinian capitalist.

With Two Buck Chuck, Franzia invented a category, now a significant segment of the marketplace, which is known as “super-value” wine. His idea was to make cheap wine that yuppies would feel comfortable drinking. One way that Franzia keeps the price so low is by acting as his own distributor in California. Another efficiency is the enormous size of the wine lots he buys on the bulk market to put into the Charles Shaw brands.

In 1994, Franzia pleaded guilty to conspiracy to commit fraud with Bronco by falsely labelling grapes. Today, he is chairman and C.E.O. of Bronco; his brothers Joseph and John are co-presidents. Franzia frequently buys labels and trademarks out of bankruptcy and repurposes them when he sees an opening in the market. His grandfather, Giuseppe, emigrated to California from Italy in 1893. Teresa and Giuseppe had five boys and two girls. The five brothers, including Fred and Joseph’s father, Joseph, and John’s father, John, ran the family business, Franzia Winery, in the Central Valley, where Fred grew up. In 1973, Coca-Cola bought the company.

A decade ago, Franzia began buying the trademarks of Napa Valley wines, including Napa Ridge and Napa Creek. People in Napa are mystified by Franzia’s double-pronged provocation: appropriation and disdain. He has been selling a significant amount of Napa-appellation wine; half a million cases a year, he says, which puts him among the top producers in the region. He buys the wine from local winemakers, and he does the same with prized appellations all over the state.

Mentions the case of Maria Isabel Vasquez Jimenez, a laborer in a vineyard belonging to West Coast Grape Farming, a company that Fred, Joseph, and John Franzia own, who fell ill in the fields last May and eventually died. Describes a visit the writer made to Franzia’s vineyards.

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Affordable-wine crusader making lot of cents

Jon Bonné SF Chronicle

Friday, May 15, 2009

Silly me, suggesting to Fred Franzia – lord of Two Buck Chuck – that his wines are low priced.

“Who says we’re lower priced? We’re the best price. The others, I think, are overpriced,” he retorts. “Maybe we’re the ones who are right and everyone else is wrong because they’re overcharging.”

At a moment when expensive wines are fully in the doldrums, when high-priced Cabernets gather dust in warehouses, Franzia is sounding pretty logical.

After all, wine drinkers are trading down. Two Buck Chuck may have resonated in a sound economy, but these should be salad days for Franzia’s Bronco Wine Co. in Ceres (Stanislaus County), which produces not only Charles Shaw but also Crane Lake, Napa Ridge and dozens more inexpensive (surely that term would fly) labels.

They are. Bronco’s sales by volume are as much as 25 percent ahead of last year, Charles Shaw is currently running at about 6 million cases annually and no less a publication than the New Yorker profiles Franzia this week about his quest toward 100 million cases a year. Franzia says markets like China want to take Chuck global; next month he plans to unveil an Australian Chardonnay, Down Under, at half the price of Yellow Tail. His only worry seems to be that he might run out of wine – even though he controls reportedly 40,000 acres and buys far more in bulk. “We’ll probably have to allocate. Imagine that.”

After his endless battles with the wine elite – notably his unsuccessful court fight with the Napa Valley Vintners – irony drips off those words when Franzia says them. This is the year, after all, when cult-wine allocations are being busted, when retailers can cherry-pick the finest wines. And yet many wineries still won’t flinch on pricing. Suddenly, Franzia’s crusade against high prices – he still believes no wine should cost more than 10 bucks – has an eerie resonance.

Granted, the wisdom should be considered in context. Franzia still despises talk of terroir and insists appellations smaller than plain old California are “the worst thing to happen to this industry”; he shrugs off concerns about water supplies to his San Joaquin Valley grapes. He’s also still facing blowback after a pregnant 17-year-old worker died last year while working a vineyard controlled by a company tied to Bronco.

But at a time when logic is a precious commodity in the wine industry, Franzia is working smart – reducing weights of most bottles by about 4 ounces. When you’re Bronco, with an estimated 20 million cases per year, that’s a lot less weight to be hauling around.

He’s not the only one ready to capitalize on a down market. A handful of high-end labels are starting to trim prices, like Chappellet, which lowered the price of its 2006 Signature Cabernet to $42 from $51. But the pain felt around Napa Valley – Franzia’s longtime foil – seems to fill him with glee.

Two Buck Chuck taps into a fundamental, inconvenient fact: At some point, most people want basic, drinkable and cheap. Yet it should feel respectable, which is why Franzia won’t switch to plastic from the corks he uses in Charles Shaw (more an assemblage of small cork bits than a single piece of bark), despite an estimated $3 million savings. Chuck looks, basically, like a real bottle of wine.

And California’s wine market bolsters Franzia’s stance. Bulk wine – either a winery’s excess or juice that didn’t make the cut – is the engine of all those cheap labels. (Bronco has mastered the art of blending endless lots into something drinkable.)

Despite two slight vintages in 2007 and 2008, Napa and Sonoma wines face falling prices on the bulk market, while buyers increasingly seek cheaper Central Valley fruit. Chris Welch, a partner in the Ciatti Co. wine brokerage, is suddenly hearing from “higher-end guys” wanting to make under-$10 wines for the first time. In other words, to tangle in Franzia’s world.

So Franzia is waiting for August, when top producers with wine still in tanks are forced to sell cheap before the 2009 vintage. If that wine ends up in Bronco’s bottles, well, that’s how Two Buck Chuck got started. “There’s plenty of prestige, in my opinion, in being able to afford consumers wine at a price they can they can drink every day,” he concludes.

A sage bit of advice for gentleman farmers out there, tending fields of attempted glory.

Jon Bonné is The Chronicle’s wine editor. E-mail him at jbonne@sfchronicle.com or find him at sfgate.com/blogs/thecellarist.

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/05/15/FDFN17IDUL.DTL

This article appeared on page D – 6 of the San Francisco Chronicle

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The Scourge of Napa Valley

California winemaker Fred Franzia says the world would be better off without all that expensive Napa Valley wine. And that’s not just an opinion–it’s a business plan.

From: Inc. Magazine, May 2006 | By: Kermit Pattison

http://www.inc.com/magazine/20060501/franzia.html

Tell him to get f—ed.” Fred T. Franzia is dictating a message for his advertising consultant. Franzia, the chairman and CEO of Bronco Wine, is sitting in his office in the San Joaquin Valley of California. His family business is one of the largest wine companies in the United States, yet his headquarters is about as luxurious as a trailer at a construction site. It’s a small, termite-ridden building beside a fence topped with barbed wire. Behind him are shelves lined with dozens of his wines, many costing less per bottle than a six-pack of beer. The bottles clink when the air conditioning kicks on. Trucks rumble through the gate by the guard shack outside the window. A gun safe gathers dust in the corner. He can’t keep weapons anymore because he’s a convicted felon.

Franzia, 62, is a jowly winemaker with a barrel torso and little patience for critics. After six years, he has just come out on the losing end of a high-profile legal battle against vintners in Napa Valley over whether he can put Napa labels on bottles of wine made with cheaper grapes grown elsewhere. Franzia dismisses the Napa vintners as “a bunch of whiners.” He believes that the wine industry has become intoxicated by elitism, inflated prices, and its own PR about terroir–the idea that a wine is uniquely a product of the place it comes from, and by extension that some places are better than others. “Why complicate it?” asks Franzia, voice rising. “Does anybody complicate Cheerios by saying the wheat has to be grown on the side of a mountain and the terroir in North Dakota is better than Kansas and all this horse s—? You put something in your mouth and enjoy it. If you spend $100 to buy a bottle of wine, how the hell are you going to enjoy it? It’s a joke. There’s no wine worth that kind of money.”

It’s not just Napatistas who rile him into bursts of profanity. There are the retailers with their excessive markups (“greedy bastards”), restaurants with their overpriced wine lists (“they rape the consumer”), and his paragons of oenophile elitism: the famous wine critic Robert Parker and Wine Spectator magazine (“their expertise is talking about themselves and saying they’re the experts”). And don’t get him started on corkage fees. Still, the Napa vintners do occupy a special place in his spleen. “This is what pisses off your friends in Napa,” he says, and shows his latest salvo: a newspaper advertisement that reads, “Think you have to spend $20 for a Napa Valley Merlot? Think again!”

Soon his secretary appears at his side and slips him a note. It’s a memo from his advertising guy, recommending that Franzia not share the ads before they’re ready for publication. Franzia abruptly hands it back to his assistant and renders his executive decision: “Tell him to get f—ed.”

He chuckles and shakes his head. “Like he’s going to tell me what I’m going to share with people?”

Not surprisingly, many Napa vintners view Franzia as the barbarian at the gate. Last summer, at the annual dinner of Napa grape growers, the assembled chanted “Kick Bronco’s butt! Kick Bronco’s butt!” Throughout his career Franzia has defied conventional wisdom, industry trends, and occasionally the law. In 1994 he pled guilty to federal charges of conspiracy to defraud and paid a half-million-dollar fine. In 2000 he inspired a change in state law regarding the labeling of wines. Then came the six-year fight over that law. “Mr. Franzia is what I would call an unscrupulous renegade who not only loves to find an edge but is pretty ruthless in doing so,” says Vic Motto, a Napa Valley consultant. “He not only likes to make a buck, but it’s even better for him if he can make it at your expense. It just adds another element of pleasure for him.”

“He not only likes to make a buck, but it’s even better for him if he can make it at your expense,” says one Napa consultant. “It just adds another element of pleasure for him.”

Franzia is the most controversial figure in the U.S. wine industry and also one of the most savvy. By moving in exactly the opposite direction of the industry elite, he has built Bronco into the fourth largest wine company in the United States in case sales: Last year Bronco sold 20 million cases, or 240 million bottles, of wine, $400 million worth. His masterstroke is the cheapest of his dozens of wines–the famous Two Buck Chuck, the fastest-growing label in the history of the industry.

“He’s the kind of person–there’s one in every industry–who loves to go against the grain and make money at it,” says Robert H. Smiley, director of Wine Programs at the Graduate School of Management at the University of California, Davis. “He’s a very good businessman, there’s no doubt. The legal issues I’ll leave aside.”

Franzia’s mission is to make wine so affordable and plentiful that every American can put a decent bottle on the dinner table. He drives down prices by running an efficient operation that takes advantage of economies of scale–Bronco owns nearly three quarters as much vineyard acreage as all of Napa Valley combined–and by swallowing up competitors that fall on hard times. Now, as U.S. wine consumption reaches new high after new high and the domestic wine industry hits the $27 billion mark, Bronco is flexing more muscle than ever. And that is making Franzia the bête noire of some parts of wine country.

It’s a clear winter morning as Franzia slowly prowls the grounds of his vast winemaking plant in Ceres, California, behind the wheel of his Jeep Cherokee. Ceres lies 100 miles south of Napa in the San Joaquin Valley, part of the larger Central Valley, an area once derided as the “jug wine capital of the world”–don’t get Franzia started on that bit of terroir snobbery. This fertile plain, once the floor of an ancient sea, is the center of his wine empire, and outside his windshield looms the citadel: his massive production, fermentation, and storage facility, with more than 400 tanks that collectively hold 80 million gallons of wine. Franzia constantly makes rounds of his production facilities and vineyards to keep a hand in the minutia of his business. His car is well known to his employees as a rolling second office, and the chances are good that if he isn’t at this Bronco property, he’s at another one. He’s twice divorced and by his count works 100 hours a week. “I don’t socialize anywhere,” he says. “There’s no money made in socializing.”

Yet Franzia can be charming and extremely funny in his own idiosyncratic way, and there’s often a bit of gamesmanship behind his bluster. His profanity isn’t necessarily an expression of anger; often it’s just an indication that his vital signs are okay. “We often joke in-house that if Fred stops abusing you, you’ve probably lost some ground,” Bob Stashak, a Bronco winemaker and plant manager, says with a laugh. The private man, according to close friends, is somewhat at odds with the public image. “When you start talking about family things, he’s very, very tender,” says Don Sebastiani, a California winemaker who has known Franzia much of his life. “There’s a very, very soft underbelly.”

Many other winemakers cultivate their public image as much as their vines. They build architectural wineries, retain publicists, spend face time with customers, and tell romantic stories about their wines. Franzia has followed a different formula: Deliver value, reinvest in the business, and screw the pretense.

The proof lies outside his windshield. His production facilities are an industrial behemoth. Franzia slowly drives through the complex and points out huge lots where hundreds of trucks line up during harvest, crush pits that can process 16 truckloads of grapes per hour, tank presses, enormous decanter centrifuges. He brakes and points at one tank that holds the equivalent of 3,500 wine bottles per vertical inch. It’s 42 feet high and holds only half as much as the 700,000-gallon tanks farther down. There are 414 such huge containers of various sizes; the place looks like a tank farm.

“We built this from literally nothing to where it is today in less than 30 years,” Franzia says. “Sometimes even I think it’s been pretty rapid.”

He drives into a cavernous warehouse, clicks a remote control inside his car, and opens automatic doors to reveal storerooms stacked with wine cases and thousands of oak barrels.

“You been through some wineries in Napa, haven’t you?” he asks. “You seen any with that many barrels in one place?”

Bronco owns 50 square miles of vineyards and adds three to six square miles every year. The company grows vines, crushes grapes, bottles wine, and runs its own distribution operation, Classic Wines of California. It buys and sells bulk wine. It operates storage and production facilities in the towns of Ceres, Napa, Sonoma, Escalon, and Madera. It bottles about 30 of its own labels, including Charles Shaw, Crane Lake, Forest Glen, and Forestville, plus wines for other companies under contract.

Bronco’s wines are associated more with the brands, or labels, than with the place the grapes were grown. (Franzia talks of a new label named Harlow Ridge, after a street on an industrial development where Bronco’s bottling plant is located–how’s that for terroir?) The company’s 17 winemakers pick from wines coming through the inventory to enhance blends for a particular label. They might mix a bit of Shiraz with Merlot, for example, or wines aged in oak barrels with those aged in steel tanks. There’s nothing unusual in this, but it’s bold to insist that these blended wines are every bit as good as Napa wines that cost several times as much, which of course Franzia does. “I defy anyone that charges more money to let me conduct a blind tasting,” he says. “He’ll look like a fool with his own wine.”

Franzia says a lot of things, but nothing from his repertoire causes as much eye rolling within the industry as his claim that no bottle of wine is worth more than $10. “I’m not sure that his sense of taste is that refined,” says Vic Motto. “If he disdains things that cost more or are of higher quality, he may not understand what the differences are. He does not seem to be a nuanced type of person.”

In fact, Bronco does sell a few wines for more than $10. Franzia says he doesn’t like those prices either, but he claims his hands are tied by the cost of wines from premium appellations such as Napa and Sonoma. And he’ll apparently break the two-figure barrier when buying wine for himself. “He will publicly say he won’t pay over $10, but he’s paid a lot of money for some of my wines in the past,” says Michael Mondavi, scion of the famous wine family and a lifelong friend of Franzia’s. “He did it because he liked them.”

Franzia was born in 1943 to one of the most prominent wine families in California. His grandfather, Giuseppe Franzia, emigrated to the United States from Genoa, Italy, in 1893 and began commercial wine production in the San Joaquin Valley by 1915. His five sons continued the business after the end of Prohibition and built a winery in Ripon. Fred spent summers and holidays stacking cases and pruning vineyards alongside his brother Joseph and cousin John. He grew up around the founding fathers of California wine, including his uncle Ernest Gallo, Julio Gallo, Robert and Peter Mondavi, and August Sebastiani, and he considers these men his models.

The admiration ran both ways. Don Sebastiani recalls how his father, August Sebastiani, enjoyed sparring with the young Franzia. “My father was stunned by Fred,” he says. “The guy was born with amazing business acumen and personality. Fred would offer advice to my father almost like an older man would to a younger one.”

Franzia went to work for the family company, assuming that one day his generation would take its turn at the helm. Then came a painful blow. In 1973, Fred’s father and uncles sold the family winery to Coca Cola Bottling. (Coca Cola later sold the business to the Wine Group, a San Francisco company, which continues to sell Franzia wine as a bag in a box. The Franzia family has no connection with its namesake wine.) “I just didn’t feel selling was the right thing to do and I told my dad,” Franzia says. “I ended up not talking to him for seven years afterward because I thought he made a mistake.”

Fred, Joseph, and John struck off on their own. Bronco incorporated on December 27, 1973. Fred serves as chairman and CEO, Joseph is co-president and runs the company’s distribution arm, and John, also a co-president, oversees production. A dozen members of Fred’s family now work for Bronco, including two of his five children (his other children are a doctor, an actress, and a Navy SEAL).

Franzia says he later reconciled with his father, but some friends believe the loss of the original family business stoked his ambition. “Let’s face it, Fred’s a driven man,” says Marc Mondavi, president of Charles Krug Winery in Napa Valley. “I’m sure that had some influence on the three of them–we’re going to start over and, by God, we’re going to show everybody we can do it.”

They did. And they collided with the law. In 1993, Franzia and Bronco were indicted on federal charges of conspiracy to defraud for misrepresenting cheap grapes worth $100 to $200 per ton as Zinfandel and Cabernet Sauvignon grapes worth five to 10 times as much. The indictment charged that Fred Franzia himself instructed others to sprinkle Zinfandel leaves on top of loads of cheaper grapes in what he called “the blessing of the loads”–a parody of the traditional blessing of the harvest. All told, prosecutors said, Bronco misrepresented 5,000 tons of grapes and one million gallons of wine that were sold on the wholesale market for $5 million.

“They tattooed me, so fine,” Franzia says. “Do I look like I’m worried about it? Does it look like it’s killed our company?”

The company pleaded no contest and paid a $2.5 million fine. Franzia pleaded guilty and agreed to pay a $500,000 fine. As part of the plea agreement, Franzia stepped down from the board of directors and as president and refrained from any involvement in grape purchasing or production for five years. The prosecutor agreed to a downward departure in sentencing and no prison time, saying that Franzia’s absence might have resulted in the closure or sale of the company and would have unfairly punished his partners and hundreds of employees. “The safest guy to do business with is me because I have the most to lose,” Franzia says. “I have no reason to cheat. I didn’t have then either.” He declines to explain further. “They tattooed me, so fine,” he says. “Do I look like I’m worried about it? Does it look like it’s killed our company? We’ve done quite well, thank you.”

That is true in part because Franzia knows how to find a bargain. He snaps up wines, grapes, labels, and land when prices are low, often during foreclosures or bankruptcies. “Fred has got his ears to the ground,” says Marc Mondavi. “He’s always asking, always listening, What’s going on? Anybody in trouble?” The wine industry is violently cyclical, and Bronco tends to emerge from each down cycle with more land, more labels, and less debt. “You know how they say buy low and sell high?” says Michael Mondavi. “He bought low and doesn’t sell. He builds.”

The most famous example of Franzia’s savvy, the Two Buck Chuck story, has become an industry legend. In 1995, Franzia bought the Charles Shaw label from a Napa Valley winery that had gone into bankruptcy. The label sat in a drawer with dozens of others until 2002, when the wine market was flooded by excess inventory. Grape prices plunged and many wineries sold bulk wines at a loss. Bronco became one of the few success stories of the year when it struck a deal with the Trader Joe’s chain to sell an ultravalue wine for $1.99. (It’s generally $3.99 outside California.) With its own bottling facilities and distribution system, and with the market awash in cheap, decent wines, Bronco could produce an ultravalue wine and still make money. Bronco resurrected the Charles Shaw label, which soon picked up the nickname Two Buck Chuck. Critics pronounced it surprisingly drinkable; the editors of the trade publication Wines & Vines picked a Two Buck Chuck over a $67 Chardonnay. Two Buck Chuck became the fastest-growing wine label ever and Bronco now sells five million to six million cases of it annually in five varietals. Franzia dreams of repeating the coup on a larger scale by developing an ultravalue line for a major chain like Costco, Wal-Mart, or Target. But he says the big retailers remain unwilling to accept such a slim profit margin.

Thanks to Two Buck Chuck, Bronco was named winery of the year at the 2003 United Wine and Grape Symposium. When the announcement was made, the Western Farm Press reported, “the ballroom literally erupted in disbelief and contempt.”

Bronco, meanwhile, became embroiled in another dispute that went beyond taste. This time it centered on labeling laws.

During the years that Franzia was building his business in the San Joaquin Valley, Napa solidified a reputation as the mecca of American winemaking. It has almost 400 wineries, roughly one quarter of the total in California, and is by far the most recognized appellation in the USA. Napa Valley produces just 4 percent of California wine by volume but earns $2.3 billion in sales–about a quarter of the state total. On average, Napa labels are 61 percent more expensive than those with a generic California designation. The valley has become a magnet for business moguls and celebrities with aspirations–and money–for making great wine, including director Francis Ford Coppola, football star Joe Montana, and racecar driver Mario Andretti.

“They don’t impress me one bit,” Franzia says of the Napa winemakers. “You know, I’ve purchased a lot of wineries and products from people who pretended they were pretty rich. When they cash in their chips, we’re there to buy them.”

And therein lay the roots of the conflict. In 1993, Bronco bought the Napa Creek label. The following year, it acquired the Rutherford Vintners brand, named after a community in Napa Valley. In 2000, Bronco paid more than $40 million to buy Napa Ridge from Beringer Wine Estates.

Federal law requires that if a wine bears the name of a geographical place, at least 75 percent of the grapes in the wine must have been grown within that region–85 percent in the case of federally designated American viticultural areas. But a grandfather clause exempts labels that existed prior to 1986. This meant that Bronco could, and did, sell Napa-labeled wines using grapes grown elsewhere, a tactic already employed by Beringer. (Labels identify the source of the grapes in smaller print.) At the time, Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon grapes sold for about $2,600 a ton; grapes from the Central Valley sold for $600 a ton. According to court records, Bronco sold 300,000 cases of Rutherford, Napa Creek, and Napa Ridge wines–$17 million worth–per year.

Napa vintners saw this as an act of piracy. And they feared it was about to get worse. In the city of Napa, Bronco was building a massive bottling plant capable of churning out 216 million bottles a year–more than twice the output of all the Napa County wineries combined. The vintners lobbied state legislators to close the loophole, and in 2000, the California legislature passed a law requiring wines whose labels bore the name Napa or any federally recognized viticultural area within Napa County to contain at least 75 percent local grapes.

Bronco sued to stop the state from enforcing the law. The Napa Valley Vintners Association, which represents about 250 wineries, filed as an intervenor on behalf of the state. The case began a tortuous six-year legal odyssey through the state and federal courts.

“He’s just an opportunist,” says Tom Shelton, president and CEO of Joseph Phelps Vineyards. “I think he missed the ethics course in college–he was out that day. He doesn’t understand what the hullabaloo is all about.”

Shelton and Franzia first crossed in the 1990s when Shelton began getting calls from friends joking about Bronco buying the Phelps winery. Soon he found out why: Bronco had run an ad that mocked the idea of Napa terroir, and the picture in the ad showed the Phelps Vineyard in the heart of Napa Valley. (Bronco apparently didn’t know that was the case when it bought the photo.) Shelton phoned Bronco. Franzia told him to buzz off.

Shelton recounts the story as he sits in his office at Phelps, in a beautiful building designed by a noted architect. On the shelf sit Phelps wines that sell for $45 to $200 per bottle. A hostess leads a wine tasting on the patio outside. Sheep graze in the vineyards below, part of biodynamic farming techniques to emulate the traditional European vineyard. “Fred Franzia and Joseph Phelps Vineyards are not even in the same industry,” says Shelton. “The real danger of opportunists like Fred Franzia is that a lot of our brand strength is related to the association between place, style, and quality. If you misappropriate the name Napa and diminish that, then you are damaging my prospects in the marketplace.”

Many of Franzia’s loudest critics in Napa come from smaller wineries. The industry has undergone a wave of consolidation, and the 25 largest California wineries now ship 82 percent of the state’s wine. Small wineries cannot compete with giants based on price, so they often seek niches as artisanal or boutique operations. The Napa address adds valuable cachet, and winemakers pay for it: Napa vineyards can exceed $350,000 per acre, versus an average of $10,000 in the Central Valley. The Napa Valley vintners–more than half of whom produce fewer than 10,000 cases per year–protect their name as one of their most prized assets and bolster it with PR, such as the slogan “To a wine grape, it’s Eden.”

Franzia dismisses this, of course, as Napa propaganda. “California wine shouldn’t be divided up into these little oligopoly appellations,” he says. “They try to create a myth to keep the consumer from buying other people’s wine.” Napa vintners beg to differ. “Why are so many people willing to pay $50 for a Napa Valley Cabernet?” fumes Dennis Groth, owner of Groth Vineyards and Winery in Oakville. “His implication is those rich guys up there are all cheating the consumer. Well, he’s the one cheating the consumer.”

Animosity runs deep. Franzia has tried to have Groth removed from the board of the Wine Institute, an industry group. He cracks jokes about Napa being an auto parts store, and wonders why nobody sues over London Fog or Hawaiian Punch. When an appeals court ruled against Franzia on the appellation issue, Bronco surprised everybody by quickly releasing a $3.99 Napa Creek Chardonnay and Merlot, with Napa grapes, nicknamed Four Buck Fred. Franzia gave the impression of a guy who enjoyed a good fight. “These f—ing guys have no mind-games capability,” he says of his Napa critics. “Guys like that are no challenge to me.”

Despite Franzia’s constant tweaking of Napa vintners, he may be helping them in a backhanded way. He’s introducing consumers to good wine; they could well trade up as their palettes become more discriminating. “People love him or hate him, but they have to privately admit that he has introduced one hell of a lot of new consumers to wines that taste good,” says Michael Mondavi. “Because of that, he has helped members in the industry who despise him.”

And there’s another hole in the Franzia-as-scourge-of-Napa story: He is a major player in the horse-trading of wine and grapes. “When I was looking for wine, Fred would be one of the first people I would call,” says Richard Grant Peterson, a longtime Napa vintner. “I knew that if he had wine I could use, it would be priced fairly, good quality, and the deal I made on the phone would be good.” In fact, Franzia did business with many Napa wineries even as the vintners association was embroiled in litigation against him.

Some even turn to Bronco to bottle their wines. In southern Napa County, where the valley opens up into a broad plain near San Pablo Bay, stands a Mediterranean building with a red tile roof, a bubbling fountain, and flower beds. No sign advertises its identity: Bronco’s Napa bottling plant.

Wine arrives in tanker trucks from Ceres and elsewhere and moves out again within 24 hours with a Napa bottling address on the labels. Inside bottles clink along conveyors where they are cleaned, filled, corked, labeled, and boxed in seconds. Bronco officials say they bottle for Napa wineries such as Beringer, Markham, and others that they decline to identify. “This line will put out about 240 bottles per minute,” says Bob Stashak, the plant’s general manager, as he stands beside one of the three lines. “They’re running 24 hours a day, five days a week. When we get to the holidays, we kick in with a sixth and seventh day.”

In January, the U.S. Supreme Court declined to hear Bronco’s final appeal. Franzia had exhausted his legal options. The Napa vintners celebrated by putting out a press release that said, “Corks are popping at wineries throughout Napa Valley.” Franzia sat in his office in Ceres, shook his head, and called it a case of government protecting a Napa oligopoly. “Shame on them for thinking that’s a victory,” he said. “What they’ve done is hurt the free enterprise system and made bad law.”

He’s not done with Napa. On the desk sits a plan for another development on 85 acres near the Napa bottling plant. He stabs a finger at the map. “We’re going to put another winery in here, a glass plant in there, and a warehouse in here. We’ll have office buildings. We’ve got it all laid out.”

His prediction for the next five years: more volume, more labels, more success. He talks of a new wine called Napa River, made with real Napa grapes, that will sell for less than $5. Critics claim that such prices cannot be sustained, but Franzia repeats one of his maxims: “I make money at it or I don’t do it.”

The dustup over the legal case has eclipsed the fact that Bronco already has several other labels made with Napa wines purchased on the bulk market. And a big harvest of 2005 bodes well for Bronco. “Many people,” says Franzia, “are holding excess inventories in Napa that don’t want to sell them–yet.”

Kermit Pattison is a freelance writer in St. Paul, Minnesota.

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I’m sharing this excellent wine humor from Tat Perrill one of our dear friends and wine blog members – please share a comment thanking Tat for sharing this gem!  – Dennis

THE BOTTLE OF WINE

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren’t married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

‘What in bag?’ asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, ‘It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.’

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:

‘Good trade…..’

I came across the below humorous “Alternative Statements” please enjoy!!!

Question: So what would you think of reading one of these on your favorite bottle of wine?!?!

Wine Warnings

Due to increasing product liability litigation, wine manufacturers have accepted the Medical Association’s suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all wine bottles:

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a moron.

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 am in the morning!

6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers.

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

8. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.

9. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can’t remember).

10. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

11. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Frank.

12. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

13. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you.

14. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

The infamous Paul Masson Carafe

Paul Masson Wines – a US 1970’s carafe and jug wine icon, featured actor Orson Wells in their prolific ad campaign.

His distinguished commercials served them well… the outakes didn’t…

Watch a real commercial and then…

The humorous “outtake” when Orson obviously had a bit too much Champagne err… Sparkling Wine…

Kind of reminds you of the alternative wine warning label: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are more handsome/beautiful and smarter than you really are…

Drink some of this to keep yourself hydrated & on your feet

I suggest you intersperse some bottles of water with your party wine to avoid emulating our dearest Orson… Ciao!!!

Please visit us at Eagles Nest Winery Click Here! in the beautiful Ramona Valley Valley AVA a half hour from San Diego, California